Holiday mom burnout
Holiday Mom Burnout is real…don’t ever try to convince yourself that it’s normal to be up at midnight writing a blog post on how it’s normal to feel this “not normal”. Gosh does that even make sense? I sit here sleep deprived and over worked and yet somehow it is my norm these days!
The last few days I have been struggling with keeping it all together. By the end of the day I feel more like a failure because the list of things I couldn’t get accomplished keeps growing. It grows right along side the to do list I have that gets larger by the day. Boy comes home with basketball picture order forms and the old version of me would have jumped directly onto the computer and proudly ordered a pic in each size plus a few keychains and magnets! For those moms out there that do just that…I bow to you with an inner envy I cannot deny! Meanwhile the pic order form sits collecting dust to my left under a mountain of paperwork i need to sort through, but I will get to that first thing in the morning…yeah right?!
As moms and women in general, in my naive old fashioned head it’s our job to make all the “homey stuff”…well, HOMEY! I strive on perfecting that lifestyle to my boys and step-kids (yes they are my stepchildren and to heck with anyone who dares to criticize me for calling them anything else. They have a mom who is prominently in their life and for me to call them mine sound disrespectful but that’s another blog post in itself so I will leave it at that for now). I cater to my home, God, my husband, my kids, my stepchildren, parents, friends, family and even a whole entire Facebook family! I am one of those people that have a hard time saying no and in doing so I find myself right here at the same time every year feeling that “mom burnout’.
I know I am not the only one on the planet doing the Christmas shopping, the laundry, cleaning, cooking, wrapping presents, decorating and the list goes on and on! I know y’all know what the heck I am talking about! For the moms that work a full time career outside of the home to the ones that make their living inside the home I am here to tell you I applaud you! I hear you praying at night for the strength to get up and do it all again tomorrow whether it be jumping on an airplane for a meeting somewhere across the country or a zoom from the comfort of your soundproofed home office while in the next room your toddler blares Barney from the TV or for you moms gettin up early to head to your 9-5 somewhere sitting inside a cubicle all day….from nurses to teachers to lawyers and homemakers and every mom in between I applaud you!
No matter what we do during the day our job at home is always the same…..it doesn’t matter if we have a husband that can decorate better than the Crafty Brother we are still the glue and the mom that holds our household together! Imagine if we all went on strike and stopped doing what we do!?!? I for one know my home would fall apart at the seams and so would my laundry room and my kitchen sink!
But….the burnout is real and typically around this time of year is when I feel it roaring it’s ugly head! It makes me feel sad, crabby and sometimes completely invisible! I don’t think the people we share our lives with on the daily go out of their way to make us feel like we aren’t seen but it happens! Do they really think the house just decorated itself, or those presents sitting piled in my bedroom will magically wrap themselves? Yet when the milk has suddenly vanished and this mom didn’t have one in waiting or the olive oil is gone with no back up in stock I see the looks and the mind twirls that say “what does she do all day”. Yes, it’s a simple oversight and one I rectify quickly but sometimes just sometimes it would be nice to be acknowledged for all the things we do get done, instead of all the things that lack! As moms in all forms we hold it together but we are still human and brain fog is a real thing (especially if your my age and menopause is right around the corner). With a list or not some things get forgotten or just put on the back burner! You know “I will do that in 5 minutes” and then 5 hours later goes by and it still isn’t done! We don’t forget on purpose and with a list or not there are 5 thousand other things that come in between that we didn’t plan for that take priority! I like to think my family lacks for nothing (well sometimes milk and olive oil:) yet I lay in bed awake each night and wonder if I have done enough? Do they even know how much I care? Would they miss me if I was gone? These things aimlessly fill my head when I should be sleeping and as always that “to do” list of mine gets a little longer the longer I stay awake in the wee hours overthinking every single thing I forgot to do or just plain didn’t have time to do!
Our jobs are never done….when 5 o’ clock rolls around we don’t punch a time card and call it a day! We are the first to open our eyes and the last to close them and I wouldn’t honestly have it any other way but sometimes the sense of pride I feel at what I have done gets a little lost amongst the holiday frenzy. As much as I love the Christmas season it does bring forth ALOT more “to do’s” on an already long to do list! It’s why I sit here at midnight and write this post and vent to other amazing women who know exactly what I am talking about and I want to let other moms and homemakers know that I see you, I feel you and I applaud you! So the next time someone looks at you like you grew 3 heads because there is no eggs in the fridge and you just were at the grocery store…stop and adjust that invisible crown thats perched a little precariously on the top of your head and know that I and lots of others are quietly and silently right there with you!! So just smile at them, and then go eat some bonbons!! Heck, it’s what we do all day anyway, right?
Carol Porter says
Oh my this is so spot on! We never get the recognition we deserve ever but we all do it and get it all done somehow someway!!!! Love your whole post and I agree with it all! Merry Christmas and try to just enjoy it. Those kids will be out of the house before you know it! God Bless You!
Glad you can relate! I wouldnt trade it for the world but sure wish i had a magic wand I could wave at times! LOL
Merry Christmas to you! xoxo
Nailed it. My kids this I’m anti Christmas, no, just anti hustle and bustle. Then when when crud hits you for 4 days (just getting over it), that’s 4 days of lost cleaning, shopping, wrapping,etc. the family get bigger and more to worry on what to get. My husband loves to go overboard (I guess these trees in the back grow dollar bills). Oh well, the look in their eyes and the family memories for them all to have. Merry Christmas ?
Karen A. Brown says
I hear you. Never ending list to try to accomplish. Your message brought make a painful memory to me. I was just who you described. My former husband told me I was worthless, but not as worthless as my friends and he could pay someone to do what I did. True words that devastated me. I’ve been a single woman since 1999.
I support you, and I admire you!
You are amazing! His words are nowhere near the truth….He is the worthless one! My husband makes me feel like wonder woman and I am here to tell you that you are amazing! It’s ok to be alone….you know and value your worth and that is priceless! d
JUDITH PACE says
You could have not said it better. Your a gem Kathy and all you other Mom’s, that is why God gave us the right to give birth!!! Could you see a man doing that…I think not. Through it all just have a happy and healthy holiday season…BIG HUGS
now that would be something! Men couldnt take the contractions! lol. Merry Christmas to you and yours!
Lisa Syler says
I LOVE this and can so identify with it! You are spot on, Kathy! “A man may work from sun to sun, but a woman’s work is NEVER done!” Yet we persevere, we keep on keepin’ on, because it’s who we were created to be and we have a great big God who comes alongside, holds us up and gives us the stamina to never give up! YOU, sister, are amazing in every. way…and beautiful to boot…and I see you, I hear you, I’m proud of you and I love you!
I pondered on whether to publish it but in the end someone needs to hear it! God is so good and I thank him everday for my life…but sometimes I gots to vent! LOL
Your amazing and I love you too! Merry Christmas my friend! xoxo
Marilyn Richard says
Spot on Kathy – a woman’s work and responsibilities are never done. Our brains never shut off. We can only hope and pray that our spouses and families truly notice and appreciate us for what we actually accomplish. It is well known in my house that following the holidays that I get some pajama days. Hubby knows he is on his own for a few days.
Yes we all deserve a little pajama time after the holidays! xoxo
Carmen Clow says
Thank you for posting this. I sent it to my daughter in Prescott. This is so her. But, it’s the truth. I found myself doing it all. I was so exhausted that I started to resent Christmas. But, I thought that this is not what Christmas is all about. Decorating, Cooking, Shopping, Wrapping.
It’s the day our Jesus was born.
Thank God that I am done with doing the above. But, it’s hard when you are doing it by yourself.
Again, Thank you for posting this. Merry Christmas. Let’s remember what December 25th is all about. Amen.??????????????????
Amen indeed! xoxo
June Hulse says
First off Merry Christmas and thank you for being a part of my life. While crafting I will have one of your past videos on because I love crafting with you. We are empty nesters and I do remember the days of working, cooking, shopping, being the event planner, etc. I had one daughter and a step son. I had more energy back then and NOW I love my simple life. I totally understand wanting to do everything. House cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry are not part of the things I want to do.
Take care of you,. You are an amazing person and give yourself some grace. Take some time for yourself. As far as your Facebook business, repost some past videos. We need to revisit those. Keep smiling and enjoy this beautiful time of year. You make a difference in so many lives with your beautiful spirit. Take time for yourself girl. Thank you for doing you….. Merry Christmas and love to you and your family.
REposting old videos is a fabulous idea! xoxo
Vancie Barrera says
Thank you for reading my mind. I was feeling the exact same ways the last few weeks. We are expected to do everything with a smile and a in great mood. I am so overwhelmed at times that sometimes I am just numb and
just going through the motions, then I ketch myself and try to remember whey I do it all.
Oh, and then am expected to watch grand babies so mommies and daddies can go to work and live their lives.
Plus shop for gifts, make homemade gifts, cook dinner and oh why is the house a mess??!!!
Oh shoot, got to go my the dryer buzzer just went off, UPS is at the door with another present I have to wrap.
Thanks for letting me rant.
I hope you have a very Mary Christmas and a happy New Year with your beautiful family, and really that is why we do it all with a smile.
i think I spoke for lots of us with this one! Merry Christmas to you my friend! xoxo
Kathi Austin-Ham says
Your thoughts ring true for many many other women. We just smile and keep on eating those Bob bobs! Merry Christmas!
Jodi Wilcox says
Kathy you are an angel, thank you for sharing, it is so true how many women get stressed out this time of year and aren’t always appreciated
Do your best and I think the hardest part is asking for someone to help… I love crafting again because of you, I’ve stepped it up a notch, because of you ?? a little bit of sparkle sending your way
Merry Christmas to you and your family
Blessings and much love
Thank you! I love hearing that I inspire you! I give 110% in all I do but even then the self loathing and doubt creep in! We are God’s children and we have to remember he doesnt ever give us more than we can handle…but it is ok to vent once in a while too! xoxo
Gloria Wilson says
I am absolutely there with u gf not enough hours in the day ?but u know if someone really needs some olive oil etc they can hike there little but too the store ?we can’t remember everything cause we r busy too!! I admire u so much for doing all that and still creating beautiful crafts for us too watch and actually create ourselves cause u give us the confidence too say yeah maybe I can make that beautiful project too??????I know how u have inspired me too do just that ?? And the interaction w/ Big Daddy is just awesome I love u both ??????God Bless u sweet beautiful Kathy for making time for us after u have taken care of everyone else ????????????U r my craft guru ??? xoxo
So true! I am devastated that I may have given my stockings, I made, away with a dresser I just sold last week!!! I have messaged the buyer to double check and keeping my fingers crossed that she answers with good news. But the Christmas brain is real. Love watching your lives and I get inspired daily!
LOVE AND LIGHT,
oh no, saying a prayer you find them! I have done that many times myself! xoxo
Becky Scott says
Girl you hit the nail on the head! Why do we try to kill ourselves at the holidays to have everything perfect? I wind up feeling like I’ve failed because there is never enough time to get everything done! My problem is I see you and many other women are superwoman doing all that you do and doing it beautifully with ease and without difficulty. I appreciate knowing I’m not alone in my disappointment in myself and living with never ending exhaustion because I put so many demands on myself.
Love you Kathy!
Girl i know the feeling! We are super women so dont ever forget it! Those moments u see us online are a little less chaotic but life is one big chaos most of the time! It’s a part of who we are as super woman! You are never alone….you have me and all of us here in our sparkle world!
Valerie McFadden says
Just another one of your many skills! Now you are a “blogger!” Your honesty and sharing of your life with us is unparalleled!
Thanks for all of the entertainment you bring into my life and others!
God Bless! Merry Christmas!
Love, Val McFadden (Vail Mcfad)
(A fellow AOL user!)
Thank you! Not sure I am good blogger but I like to write and who better to write to than my peeps? xoxo
Merry Christmas to you and yours! And yes I love my AOL>! lol
My dearest Kathy…I am almost 63 years young…no I don’t have all the answers, but a couple of pieces of advice. We all have seasons in our lives. We get married we start having children, they become toddlers then they become teenagers, young adults and then adults. Please don’t put so much pressure on yourself, get done what you can, whatever it is will always be there tomorrow. Okay so maybe you don’t get it done right away or maybe you don’t get it done at all. Always remember you will probably never truly be appreciated until you are not there to get it done, unfortunately ?. You will always be a mom, that is a title you will never lose. Just do the best you can, if that is not enough for everybody then maybe they need to jump in a pull up the slack…I am not perfect and I don’t believe there is anyone out there who is…we all have been where you are..please don’t fret over the small stuff…enjoy your life…you only have one…and always remember GOD is up all night long. Love you like a sister Kim ?
Thank you! xoxo
Dawn Thompson says
Kathy, you are an excellent blogger. And, you certainly picked a relatable topic and nailed it perfectly imperfect as you always say lol.
You have many talents and a heart that is as beautiful as you. I am here to say, give yourself grace. Sometimes their are not enough hours in a day to get everything done. I had to learn to delegate as an adult because I certainly didn’t learn it as a child. My Mother (the Wonder Woman she was) raised 7kids and did everything. Her house was so clean you could eat off her floors. She had many talents, she made our clothes, the perfect meals, could fix anything. She was amazing but sadly I don’t remember her smiling that much. She didn’t feel like she was seen. I remember thinking when I grow up I don’t want to be like my Mom although I loved her dearly. Sadly when I got my family I was a lot like my Mom until I stopped smiling and that’s when I became me. When I wasn’t seen by my family I would literally go on strike. Everyone lost their smile lol and it works. Everyone starts helping out and I’m no longer taken for granted until the NEXT TIME!!!
Yes, there is always a next time but I have shorter strike times now because they know better because Mom looks better with a smile.
Love you, Girl…big Daddy too! You do you, as you always say, but delegate. And, for sure the Holidays are harder, but remember if you don’t get to something today there is always tomorrow. And, as one of your peeps wrote, play reruns, we love everything you do! Take time off from work. Your the boss, you can do that.
Happy Holidays, sweetie!
Your Friend, Dawn
Thank you sister! xoxo
maria nova says
Right there with ya! On EVERY single matter. It’s not easy, but then either are we (easy meaning we are complicating). We love it. We thrive on it. We are warriors, queens, Mothers, animals, machines, we are EVERYTHING! We want it all and we want to do it all. We want to control it too. Since I’m older now the best advice if you are looking for any at all is to learn how to delegate. Just a little, delegate using diplomacy and making whoever you delegate to feel so special that they are called on by you. Haha seriously it does work. Sometimes, if you are anything like me you WANT to do it all (well maybe not clean lol) but if you are an A type or I say Red personality you definitely THRIVE on doing it all. We just don’t know our burn out point until it hits. Just remember, and we all know life is precious, life is a gift, life is not promised. So with that said, take it easy when you need to. Shut it off for a day, take an all day spa day, anything you need to do to recharge, relax, and rest because once you get SOOOO burnt out, it’s hard to accomplish anything up to par, and things pile up faster. Just breathe, take a moment. I was advised to take 15 min’s every 4 hrs and do nothing. Get grounded. I’m still trying to mark that off my list. Look I’m typing this at 5:30am and I haven’t been to sleep yet so scratch everything I just said. I haven’t figured it out yet. hahahaha Love you Kathy. Just know you are awesome and we ALL feel ya girl.
Terri Timmons says
I see you, I hear you and I applaud you!!! I also agree with everything you said. I really don’t think our kids and step kids (yep, I call them that also) and husband’s realize what it takes to be the woman, The Keeper, the keeper of them all, the keeper of IT ALL, the strength, the courage, the endurance and the pure love that is poured into the hours, day’s, months and years of doing for them…so yes, Kathy, I see YOU, I hear YOU and I applaud YOU….Merry Christmas ??
your awesome! Thank you! We are amazing creatures arent we?
Have an amazing and blessed HOliday! xoxo
Teresa Cashero says
I so relate to this Kathy your one amazing lady I just recently started following you and can relate to a lot in this blog . I love sparkle you do amazing work Hang in there girl your not alone.
Thank you! xoxo